As a writer, I can appreciate the crafting of a clever Facebook status update, or just a sweet note to a loved one. On the other hand, I can also easily spot things that annoy me. So, this is my list of the most annoying Facebook status updates:
-The Facebook Texter: When you are texting, or using Twitter, you may get away with shortening words, but there's no reason to do that in Facebook. How lazy do you have to be? Why write something like this:
"Got 2 go 2night and set the rec0rd str8, cuz thing are b@d"
That's just crazy talk. Use real words.
-The Emoticon Slave: This person also suffers from what is known as "too many symbols" disease. When you check the news feed, you instantly recognize them by all the symbols and emoticons used, whether they make sense or not. For instance:
"Had a great time :) @:/ <--- :) <3"
Seriously? You went through all those emotions in a few seconds? Either you are seriously manic or perhaps you can pack more human emotions in a sentence than an entire Shakespearean tragedy. If the latter is the case, then I tip my hat to you.
-The Egocentric: Usually, capitals letters are used to denote some important change in the text, such as telling someone to STOP. However, there are some people who apparently think everything they write is important, so all their status updates look like this:
"I'M GOING OUT NOW TO SEE A MOVIE AND I THINK I WILL LIKE IT. MY MOM RECOMMENDED IT TO ME AND SHE'S AN EXPERT."
Please, STOP IT.
-The Super Happy: This person uses exclamation points for everything they write. Apparently, everything is urgent, no matter how mundane it is.
"I took a shower!!!!!! And it was nice!!!!!!! !!!!! Yeah!!"
Hopefully this was not your first shower in 35 years.
-The Chain Messenger: Remember how much you used to hate those chain emails back in the day? The ones that said something like, "If you love babies, forward this email to 10 friends and you'll have a baby by next week." Now, obviously, everyone loves babies, but forwarding an email is not going to prove that.
Nowadays, in Facebook, people say things such as, "Hit 'Like' if you love your friends!" Well, listen, obviously I love my friends because I haven't deleted you after the hundredth dumb Facebook chain letter you have posted. But please, quit it.
Did I miss any? And if you happen to be on this list, I still love you my friend, despite how much I dislike your status updates.
