Archive for April 2012

Cubanisms #4

Cubanisms just make the world a better place. Here are some more!

"Camina con los codos"
Lit: He walks with his elbows
Trans: He's a cheap guy

"Juntos pero no revueltos"
Lit: Together but not scrambled
Trans: Although we are together in this situation, we are still very different

"Me embarcaste"
Lit: You shipped me off
Trans: You stood me up

"Que te compre quien no te conozca"
Lit: Let him who doesn't know you, buy you
Trans: I don't trust you

"Hay moros en la costa"
Lit: There are moors on the coast
Trans: We've got company

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Another tale of Google fail

I love Google. I do (please don't ruin my search engine ranking). In fact, whenever anyone has a question about anything, I just say in a solemn way, as if I was knighting someone, "Google it." Would you like to know how many ants are there in the world? Or would you like to know how much is two plus two? Well, sir, or madam, I would tell you to Google it.

Google has this cool new feature where you can actually speak into your computer's mic and Google will search for you. No need to type. Unfortunately, this is where the failure came in. For fun (not for vanity) I said, "Israel Sanchez," but instead of my name coming out in the search bar, this is what I got:

-los angeles
-is well thank you

Now that is a fail. Oh, Google, if only you could understand me.

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The Jim Halpert

I work at the Capitol in Topeka (not the Hunger Games evil place), so every day I walk the hallways where attorneys, legislators, senators and others members of our local government roam. My momma didn't raise no fool, so every time I pass by someone down a hall and make eye contact, I nod. This is polite and also nice. I think sometimes my nods end up looking like Jim Halpert's from The Office. So imagine me doing that nod and half a smile every single day, perhaps dozens of times.

Well, a couple of weeks after working there, Elena, my self and another couple went out to a restaurant to have dinner. As soon as I walked in the door, an older gentleman looked at me, so what did I do? I did the Jim Halpert. My brain was so hardwired to do this nod that I just did it to a random person who was just curious to see who had entered. The guy didn't nod back, but just gave me a puzzled look and then looked somewhere else.

Has something similar happened to you?

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A most pleasant surprise

(Note, I am not using anyone's name because I don't know if they would like me too.)

On Friday morning, my boss alerts everyone of us proofers.

"Everyone! Let's go to the conference room!"

We were all wondering what was going on. Usually, our meetings are short and right then and there in our office. Why use the conference room? My boss, laughed and said, "we'll see which one of you gets to stay or not."

Then my supervisor, not to be confused with my main boss, said, "You ever seen The Hunger Games? It will be like that." And she laughed.

"Oh, no, I forgot my bow and arrow," I said, jokingly, of course.

Once we all made it to the conference room, I was one of the last ones to walk in. There, sitting around the table, was almost the entire staff of the Revisor of Statutes. Unanimously they all yelled, "Surprise!" I was confused. Who was the surprise directed at? There was a huge cake and presents, and even one present in a Victoria's Secret bag. I thought that maybe the attorneys really appreciate the work us proofreaders do.

"This is for you, Israel," someone said.

"For me? Why?" I asked, still confused.

"For your baby," another person said.

Then I realized that all the gifts were for baby girl. It was kind of like having my own baby shower. It was great. Oh, about the Victoria's Secret bag, the lady just didn't have any more gift bags. This was also the subject of many jokes at the conference room.

I was really overwhelmed and shocked. There were a bunch of diapers and clothes and even a stuffed sheep that makes soothing sounds. I didn't expect to receive so much love from all these people, whom most of them I only say "hello" and "good morning" too. It was a really beautiful experience, one that I'll never forget. Oh, and they also gave me a very, very generous gift card. I only realized how much it was when I got home. Had I noticed at the office I would have fainted of excitement.

It was great. It was a beautiful moment of grace. Thanks everyone!

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Kwikshop Gangsters

A Kwik Shop in Topeka is a dangerous place to be. I had no idea of this until recently. One evening, Elena and I decided to get some night treats, so we stopped at a Kwik shop on our way home. It was a scary place. It seemed that the entire "hood" was having a celebration at their local corner shop. I'm not scared easily, but when there are 15 or more crazy-looking people all around you, one must be vigilant.

I quickly grabbed what I was buying and kept looking at the car making sure Elena was okay. No one should die over a Kit Kat.
But lately I realized that the ghettoness doesn't only take place at night at the Kwik Shop. The gheto-meter has been elevated to even the day time. I've seen chongas (white chongas) stopping for gas, cranking up their music, hoping to get noticed. And just the other day, when we had to stop for gas or the car would die, I saw a guy that looked exactly like Flavor Flav. It really doesn't get more ghetto than that. You have surpassed my expectations, Topeka.

A final note: Please, if you are white, pick up your pants. You are no one's homie or dawg. No one thinks you look cool and certainly nobody thinks you're menacing. If anything you look like one of the Backstreet Boys gone astray. Please, mature.

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